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DISCLAIMER: The following recap should be used for entertainment purposes only. It is NOT an official transcript of the show, is NOT fact checked by the hosts and is NOT up for any literary awards. To hear Whatever, word-for-fabulous-word, TUNE IN TO THE SHOW!
T-H-U-R-S-D-A-Y
Jennifer started the show teaching Paulie the difference between the spelling of Tuesday and Thursday because it said Tuesday on the rundown. Alexis said she just wished it was Friday.
Chris Brown/Rhianna Update
Chris Brown was charged with 2 felonies and will be arraigned in California court. Rhianna is still hanging out with him. “Good times,” Jennifer added.
Alexis: Dead or Alive?
Jennifer thought Alexis might be dead earlier today because she didn't come into the office at the time she usually did. Alexis said the day she didn’t come in without telling Jennifer is the day she is never coming back. Jennifer explained that she spoke to Alexis in the morning and Alexis sounded really depressed. Then later, Alexis didn’t text Jennifer back and wasn’t at work when she usually was. Jennifer worried that she was dead and said she would like Alexis to leave a note if she ever commits suicide. Alexis said notes were difficult to write because it was hard to explain – you either have cancer and you just can’t take it anymore or you just can’t take it anymore in general. Jennifer said that she wouldn’t have been worried normally, but because Alexis was so depressed earlier, she thought something may have happened. Alexis said it was annoying because if she died, everyone would know right away because she was Martha’s daughter, but she would never know if a lot of her friends died. Jennifer was so worried about Alexis being dead that people were asking if SHE was okay in the office.
Alexis wasn't dead, she was just at the dentist
Alexis couldn’t answer Jennifer because she was at the dentist and didn’t realize what time it was. She went to get her teeth cleaned but the dentist wanted to fix the poppy seed gap between her front two teeth. Then he wanted to do all of this other stuff, so she was in there for 3 hours. It was okay, though, because she loves her dentist (Dr. Marc Lowenberg of Lowenberg and Lituchy). Alexis asked Dr. Lowenberg why laughing gas wasn’t used anymore and whether it could kill you. He said after the drug filled 60s, drugs fell out of fashion and also, 30 years ago there were no regulators on the device so it was possible to kill someone with the device. (There are regulators on them now, though, so don't worry). Additionally, your blood sugar drops drastically after you receive the gas, making you feel horrible. Jennifer said she felt so strange from it she had to rip the thing off.
Alexis’s new night outfit
Martha gave her a bathrobe and Alexis hates bathrobes, so she returned it and got a long navy 40s style silk nighty. She tried it on and thought it might be very old lady, but now she likes it and is wearing it with these new blue sneakers and a giant blue turtleneck sweater. Jennifer said she probably looked like a religious Jew. Paulie said it sounded hot. Jennifer said sleeping in a turtleneck would be horrible for her. Alexis said her house was freezing.
Jennifer’s annoying phone call
Jennifer got a call the other day on her home phone from a very manic, high-pitched woman named Virginia who said 'they' were having a gala for some spring event. Jennifer asked how the woman got her number and told her to take her off the list. Virginia told Jennifer to Google her and Jennifer wanted to tell Virginia to Google HER but she didn’t. Jennifer said she was unavailable to go. The woman continued pressing. Jennifer finally ended the call. 5 minutes later the woman was trying to friend her on Facebook sending her a 2 paragraph long message about how she knew Martha and was an artist and blah blah blah. Jennifer did not respond. 3 minutes later, a post on Jennifer’s wall appeared from the woman, saying they knew each other through three listeners on Facebook. Jennifer DID NOT KNOW HER! Jennifer deleted what was on the wall and messaged the woman not to post personal stuff on the wall. Alexis said Jennifer should just unfriend her. Jennifer said she was always afraid to hurt someone’s feelings. Alexis said the woman was so far removed from reality that she probably didn’t have feelings. Jennifer said it was totally creepy and she was going to unfriend her right then. Jennifer then read the woman’s creepy Facebook message on the air. Alexis said Jennifer should be downright nasty next time, like she always was. Jennifer said she wasn't friendly and feigned no interest – NO GALA FOR HER!
Socking it to Saks
Alexis ordered an expensive dress on line two months ago and she just got it and didn’t like it so she is going to return it. She feels like she made money. Speaking of returning things, Jennifer called the PR person at Saks because they wouldn’t let Alexis return a shirt that she bought a year ago. Alexis said Jennifer left a horrific, garbled message and she was embarrassed for her. Jennifer said the woman would call back because she said they talked about 'the incident' on the radio show. Alexis said if she can’t return the shirt, Jennifer’s sister Stacy (who was sitting in the studio) was getting it and would have to pretend to like it.
Word of the week: Paraphilia
Jennifer’s dilemma
Jennifer’s friend was in a 10-year relationship after college and it ended. The friend told Jennifer not to let this happen to her again. She got in a long term relationship and around year 6, Jennifer told the girl she was on the same road again and unless she was happy, she should think about what was going on. The girl said she didn’t know what she wanted but she still wanted to be with the guy. Okay, fine. Then, that relationship came to an end around year 10 AGAIN. Now, the friend is seeing a 26-year-old (she's Jennifer's age) and having a really good time. Recently, however, she said she was thinking of freezing her eggs but wasn’t sure it was worth the timeand that she didn’t like the idea of being hormonal for 3 weeks and not being available to traipse around with the boy. Alexis and Jennifer couldn't believe this line of reasoning. Jennifer said it was no big deal. Alexis said no one even knew when or if she went to the doctor and this girl was making pathetic excuses for some other reason. Alexis said the egg thing was a waste of time anyway. Alexis said the friend was probably afraid the guy would leave her if he found out she was freezing her eggs, etc. Jennifer said the girl will never ask for what she wants and will probably waste her opportunity AGAIN by staying with this guy. Jennifer is not sure what her obligation to this friend is. Should she tell her she is not seeing the forest for the trees?
Callers weigh in about Jennifer’s dilemma
Rick called to say Jennifer should hang out the friend, create a warm, safe setting and tell her. Rick said that the friend should also mention this to her boyfriend because it would be a great litmus test for the guy to see how he handled it. Alexis said the friend was afraid to find out. Jennifer said she knew deep down that if her friend and this guy don’t work out and don’t have a baby together and she stays with him for another 4-5 years, she is living pattern again and she’ll cry to Jennifer about it. Shelly said Jennifer should just be there for her whether she crashes and burns or not. Jennifer said she wouldn’t be thinking about butting in if the friend hadn’t repeatedly solicited her input about her relationship situations. Shelly said she wouldn’t say anything. Alexis said she thinks a good friend would say something and who cares if Jennifer's friend gets resentful. Tell her what you think! Paulie agreed that he would have to tell his friend. Alexis said Jennifer should tell the friend that the freezing process was painless and she had to get some sperm, too, because freezing embryos was better than just freezing eggs, so she might as well start today. Camry said Jennifer’s friend should pick a guy that’s more ready. Jennifer said you can’t tell people who to date. Nancy said she would paint two or three different scenarios for the friend based on her patterns and let her make her own mind up. Paul asked what the risk was for Jennifer in opening her mouth up. Jennifer said she thought her friend would think she hated the guy. Alexis said that wasn’t the point, so if the friend twisted that into being the point, that would be weird but Jennifer had been friends with her forever, so she had to tell her the truth. Sue said Jennifer MUST tell the girl to do what she must do because if this doesn’t work out the way she wants and she can’t have kids down the road she'll regret it. Someone has to save the girl from herself! Sheila said Jennifer should tell her and also tell her that if she wanted to have children and if the guy was not long term material what did it matter what he thought!? Jennifer thinks she should tell her to find a sperm donor because she needed to freeze embryos and whether or not she used the embryos, it wouldn’t matter whether it worked out with this guy or not. Alexis said it wouldn’t interfere with her relationship anyway but didn’t think it would be a problem if she did tell the guy about it, ask if he wants to be involved, offer a contract, etc. Jennifer said she liked that and she would say that to the friend.
Television theme song game!
Jennifer said the game might be too easy. Alexis said if people didn't get the first question right, they were out. Nicole, the first caller, won! Nicole said she wanted to win to make Alexis mad. Alexis said she hoped Nicole enjoyed the empty box they were going to send her. Cheryl begged for clues. Alexis, never a fan of people who wine and beg, said they were conserving water bottles. Cheryl expected Jennifer to be nicer and rise to the occasion. Alexis said they expected Cheryl to rise to the occasion and “know this stupid crap.” Jennifer noted that Rosie (O’Donnell) had gotten almost all the answers right but she was automatically disqualified. Sorry, Rosie. Ariel and her husband with the mahhhstaaahs in linguistics got a ton of answers correct but did not win. John got three but couldn’t get Law & Order! (John just bought the DVD boxed set of Love Boat, though, so this is not surprising.)
Stay tuned!