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DISCLAIMER: The following recap should be used for entertainment purposes only. It is NOT an official transcript of the show, is NOT fact checked by the hosts and is NOT up for any literary awards. To hear Whatever, word-for-fabulous-word, TUNE IN TO THE SHOW!
Monday, Monday…
Jennifer said Monday is always the toughest for her and Alexis said the days kind of all blended together but she liked Thursdays because most of the show time was taken up by the game on that day.
Horrible things you’ve done to your kid (by accident)
It’s so easy for a tragedy to occur when you have kids and space out. It doesn’t matter what demographic you fall into – everyone’s guilty. Jennifer said there are days that she’ll go somewhere and forget to check in on her kids or it’ll be quiet in the house and she’ll get a rush of fear that something has happened to one of them. Alexis said Martha forgot to pick her up “a bunch of times.” Do you prosecute if there was no malicious intent? Alexis said you shouldn’t have to waste the other half of your life defending yourself and Jennifer added that you will feel bad enough as it is. Alexis said she had the flu once and her mom gave her a silver (or crystal) bell to call her because she couldn’t talk. Alexis rang and rang the bell and Martha finally came upstairs 3 hours later saying, “I couldn’t figure out what that noise was!” Once someone left a car on in Jennifer’s parents’ garage right under her brother’s room. Luckily they smelled the gas fumes. Caller Kim said they had an earthquake 10 years ago in California and she freaked out and ran to her mother’s room, forgetting about her newborn. Alexis said people have left newborns on the hood of their cars. Heather in Minnesota had 2 stories. Her mother-in-law went bowling and left one of her kids at the bowling alley. He didn’t even know it happened. He was playing video games. Also, her husband had their 9-year-old in the back of the car and was supposed to drop the kid off at school but drove 30 miles towards work before he remembered the kid was still in the car. Sally from Kentucky said her neighbor usually took her kid to daycare but put the kid in the husband’s car and she thought she told the husband that she did this. The baby was in the car all day and the husband didn’t realize it. The husband was charged with murder initially but the charges were dismissed. The guys was so distraught, though, that he killed himself. Jennifer said it was just so horrible and people obviously didn’t do these things on purpose. Alexis said things like this happen when you are overwhelmed and too busy, as we all are. Jennifer added that when you change your routine, your memory can suffer, because so much is tied to your routine.
Jennifer’s belated birthday (not really) at Minetta Tavern
CHAPTER ONE: Happy birthday, Alexis?
The girls got an invite from Martha to this new Keith McNally restaurant (he also owns Pastis, Balthazar, Morandi and others). Alexis generally gets annoyed walking into and out of restaurants - she doesn’t like making a scene. This place was small and Alexis was not prepared for Martha handing her (not the belated birthday girl) a bag of presents two seconds after she walked in. All this while she was trying to sit down (their seats faced the wall, BTW, and they were not happy with this). Alexis opened one, which was Japanese tea and she sneered and handed the bag back. Martha said she didn’t open the important thing.. The important item in the bag looked like a pile of fresh beet fetuccini covered in sand stuff and was something to scour pans with. (Alexis is saving it for the new apartment – along with, among other things, the PERFECT enameled brass soap dishes he bought for every bathroom 2 years ago.)
CHAPTER TWO: See (if you aren’t wearing sunglasses in a dimly lit restaurant) and be seen
Keith, Martha and Kevin are there along with an additional couple everyone knew. Since they were facing the wall, Alexis had to spy on people with a compact mirror. Stephanie March (married to Bobby Flay) was there. Next to their table was Norma Kamali and Robert Isabel (the floral designer who, incidentally, did the flowers for Jennifer and her sister’s weddings). Fact: Norma Kamali kept her sunglasses on the whole time at dinner! WTF?
CHAPTER THREE: Enter SJP
Sarah Jessica Parker walked in. The girls were recently told that SJP was a fan of their show so everyone told Jennifer to go over and say something to her. As Jennifer walked over to introduce herself, Alexis and Kevin looked at each other and mouthed “Ouch” because it was clear that SJP’s first thought was that Jennifer was an annoying New Yorker or worse, someone from Iowa coming over to gush. Jennifer said just the act of going over there in general was obnoxious but that for the record, she wasn’t BEING obnoxious. Once Jennifer mentioned the radio show, SJP’s demeanor changed a bit. She said they listened to it in the car and that the girls were so clever. She also said she ate out of the mug the girls gave her. Matthew Broderick, sitting alongside his wife, was not interested AT ALL. He was annoyed and Jennifer felt like an effing loser so she made her exit. Alexis said she felt bad that they all encouraged her to go over there (Alexis, for the record, did not encourage Jennifer to do this).
CHAPTER FOUR: Sorbet? Nope.
Jennifer said she ate so much dessert last night because the menu was so limited and the portions were small. Keith told the waiter – “Give us one of everything.” It infuriates Alexis that waiters never know what kind of sorbet they have. Find out! Write it down! She ended up ordering the sour one and Jennifer asked for one of each flavor. 20 minutes later – no sorbet. Then – out comes Jennifer’s sorbet but NO SORBET for Alexis. By then it was too late. As they were leaving, SJP popped up to say goodbye to the girls. That was nice of her. They then wondered if they should get a slice of pizza and laughed about what happened to Jennifer’s birthday.
EPILOGUE:
On the way out, the waiter asked Alexis how she liked everything. Alexis mentioned that it took an exceptionally long time to get the sorbet. He said he talked to the kitchen about that. Alexis thought that he could’ve gone to the bodega and got her frozen fruit on a stick…she just wanted SOMETHING! They didn’t have skim milk initially, either. Then the guy “found”some skim milk. Ew. Jennifer said she didn’t drink it. It was all just ridiculous.
Piece of cake
Jennifer ate some of Alexis’s birthday cake for breakfast on Saturday (it had been off limits in the OTHER freezer but her daughter took it out) and wasn’t happy about it. Alexis said she didn’t find cake that satisfying. Jennifer had to tell her nutritionist and she was humiliated. Alexis asked if she told the nutritionist it was 4 layers. Jennifer did not. The girls discussed how gross cheesecake-stuffed, chocolate-dunked strawberries were (Jennifer saw these on the Food Channel). Jennifer always wanted to order milk-chocolate key lime pie on a stick from the Food Channel but it was too expensive. Alexis was horrified.
Is PDB offensive?
Paulie saw two different women breastfeeding in public this weekend and he thought it was gross and jarring. He couldn’t figure out if it was because he wanted to look or because it was just gross. Alexis said maybe it was that he found the large areola with chaffing around the edges gross. Jennifer put it out to listeners – are you offended by breastfeeding in public? Alexis said the first time she ever saw a baby being breastfed was at her aunt’s house when she was younger. She walked into the room and walked straight back out and her mom and aunt both laughed at her response. She hasn’t been a fan ever since. Tammy from Ohio said she heard about a woman breastfeeding while driving AND talking on her cellphone. Some people go a little overboard. Jennifer said the sounds the pump machine made were disgusting - it sounded like an industrial milker. Alexis said Jennifer probably didn’t know what an industrial milker sounded like. Lynn said you can do it in public but you should be discreet about it – strangers might not want to look at it. Alexis and Jennifer thought Lynn was lovely. Lynn #2 called in to agree with Lynn #1…she said why expose that to strangers? Joy wanted to know what the girls thought about people who breastfed toddlers. The girls thought it was weird and twisted. Jennifer said it was problematic and the mother’s attachment to the kid was too great. Joy said if her child was old enough to ask for her boob, the kid was too old to be breastfed. Brooke said her goal was 6 months of breastfeeding and was going to keep doing it up until a year. Brooke also said she pumped in the car on her way home from work – it comes with an adaptor that goes right to your cigarette lighter. She turned on her pump so the girls could hear the sound it made. Jennifer said the machine was louder when her sister-in-law had it. Alison said she wished she was brave enough to nurse her kids in public but she wasn’t. She used nursing covers and loved them. Lori was watching The Duggars on TLC and the woman had this thing called Breast Friend with a pillow and a huge cover and she didn’t even have to hold the baby while the baby was feeding. Lori breastfed and so did her mom and it was just normal and natural. She did it until about 9 months. People could be fanatical about it but is left a wonderful feeling and there were studies that said breastfed kids were smarter. (I’m inclined to disagree with this, as I wasn’t breastfed. Hmmmph. – h)
If you’ve got it, flaunt it…or don’t. Whatever!
New York Times Op-Ed columnist wrote a piece about whether Michelle Obama should cover up her buff arms. She wrote this because she heard several people talking about this. MoDo’s opinion was: if you got it, flaunt it! Alexis doesn’t find Michelle’s arms particularly attractive but Jennifer thinks Michelle has an athletic, fit looking body. Alexis said she thought she should cover her arms but not for any reason other than the fact that they don’t look good. Part of the argument in Washington is that if you look that fit you aren’t spending that much time in the office. What? The girls think that is ridiculous logic and besides, GW spent an inordinate amount of time on the treadmill (and twiddling his thumbs). Jennifer said it was a positive example to have a first lady that was in good physical shape and healthy looking and why not show what you have!? Alexis didn’t think she was flaunting anything anyway simply because she was wearing a sleeveless dress. Alexis said we were not in a Muslim country…and showing her arms doesn’t add to or diminish her role. Jennifer said it was ridiculous and who cared?? Alexis said, “I mean, Laura Bush should’ve put a bag over her head, but…” Jennifer yelled at Alexis. Alexis, undeterred, continued, “Especially towards the end…was she healthy?” Jennifer screamed, “Let it go! Cut her mic!”
Stay tuned!