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DISCLAIMER: The following recap should be used for entertainment purposes only. It is NOT an official transcript of the show, is NOT fact checked by the hosts and is NOT up for any literary awards. To hear Whatever, word-for-fabulous-word, TUNE IN TO THE SHOW!
It’s Tuesday…
only Tuesday. Alexis said she wasn’t going to make it.
Have you tweeted on Twitter today?
The other day Martha twittered that people should call her and Tyrese (from The Fast and the Furious ‘fame’) called in. Jennifer said Martha had 144,385 followers and she had a little over 1100 followers because she sucked at Twitter. Alexis said Martha needed to be more careful about what she said on her Twitter. She told people to go where Martha was having lunch and take out her bags out of the car that will probably be unlocked. Jennifer said people were now calling because she tweeted that people should call into the show. A few people called in because of the tweet, including Claire, who was waiting for Alexis to respond to an interview request (Alexis said she promised she would) and Armando, who did segment producing for TV. (Jennifer and Paulie said his name over and over again and Paulie wondered whether he did everything with his shirt off.) Armanda loved the girls and their show. He also loved watching ‘crazy bitch’ Martha in the middle of the afternoon. He especially liked the fact that she always mentioned something needing more alcohol. Alexis said that if Martha had an addictive personality she would probably be a boozer. She added that it was a Good Thing Martha had a driver because Martha driving SOBER was bad enough.
Orgasms on parade
Jennifer read an article in the NYT style section about a commune that focused on pleasing women sexually. Every morning this place had a morning practice available to members in which a group of women lay naked from the waist down and men (the “research assistants”) performed “orgasmic meditation” on them. Alexis wondered why the women couldn’t do it to themselves. It was all very unappealing to the girls and they agreed that it would be so difficult to have an orgasm in that position. The place in San Francisco was called One Taste Urban Retreat (onetaste.us) and there was another location on Grand Street in NYC. Alexis said it was bullcrappy and also very clinical. You were lying there like a piece of meat. “You were an empty taco with a hand inside!” Jennifer said they needed a listener that was willing to go to the one in NYC. She wondered what that place smelled like.
Dora the Whore-a
Her picture was released and she definitely looks much more like a Disney princess/slut now. She was pretty, sexy and more fashionable. Alexis didn’t have a problem with her as a tart.
Natasha Richardson
She had a ski accident and they were in the process of flying her back to NY. Supposedly they were going to take her off life support and apparently she is brain dead. Alexis doesn’t understand how it happened. Jennifer said it was so sad. The brain can swell even if there is no fracture in your skull. Laurie said Talk and Die syndrome was when you have a head trauma and it took 12-24 hours for the brain to swell up. If you didn’t recognize it early, your brain swelled to the point where it was too late. Jennifer said Alexis was stupid for skateboarding without a helmet. Tony said Alexis was a rebel. Jennifer said, “Yeah, a rebel without a cause.” Tony’s friend was in an accident and they cut the top part of his head out, let the brain swell and when the swelling went down they put the top back on. When they took him to the hospital, the cat scan showed the brain swelling and his eyes were really bloodshot. Tony said his head would’ve exploded if they had done nothing. Judy had been skiing for many years. A couple years ago she decided to wear a helmet and had been taken out by people since. She was glad she decided to wear the helmet. Alexis said she probably got taken out because she had no peripheral vision and couldn’t hear that well with the helmet on.
Stupid accidents
Recently Jennifer sliced two fingers on an aluminum foil box. Alexis said when you did stuff, crap happened and that wasn’t remarkable enough to remark upon. Jennifer said she also tore ligaments in aerobics class and broke a growth plate in her ankle while standing on the sidelines of a lacrosse game. Paulie burnt all the skin off his hands, got his hand clamped by a spring loaded ski binding, broke his eye socket, got a metal rod stuck in his foot, broke his ankle and had his nose broken by some guy’s cleat during a touch football game. Yikes! Connie was snowboarding for the first time and fell off the chairlift. As she was getting back up, the chairlift smacked her on the back of the head. Her boyfriend skied up and down the mountain about 50 times as she was trying to make her way down the mountain covered in blood. Melissa’s 3 year old sneezed and hit her head on the top of a cabinet, giving herself a concussion. Alexis asked if that was before or after she shook the kid. Deb yawned while leaning on her jaw and dislocated it.
Hospitals generally suck
Diane does audits for hospitals. If you have a bad accident and you are in NYC, she recommends Belleveue, St. Vincent’s and Beth Israel.. The choices on Long Island aren’t as good. You don’t want to be in a hospital if you don’t have to be there. They make mistakes and you can also pick up all sorts of nasty stuff in the hospital.
Why do people lie about their age?
This girl Jennifer grew up with changed her birth year by one year on her Facebook page. Who are you fooling and why are you lying? Renee wanted to know why Jennifer even cared if people lied about their age. She didn’t like to talk about her age. Alexis and Jennifer said that was cool, but why lie? Renee said why have nose jobs, why shave your legs? Alexis said that wasn’t the same thing. Shannon asked a therapist friend of hers about this. She said that people lie about their age because they don’t feel like they’ve accomplished what they should have by that age. Jennifer agreed and added that you are still your age even if you pretend you’re not! Alexis said it was probably because there was a double standard. Women who dated young men were cougars but older men could date young girls and it wasn’t a big deal.