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DISCLAIMER: The following recap should be used for entertainment purposes only. It is NOT an official transcript of the show, is NOT fact checked by the hosts and is NOT up for any literary awards. To hear Whatever, word-for-fabulous-word, TUNE IN TO THE SHOW!
Wednesday
Alexis said she hated when the NYT’s Wednesday food section doesn’t inspire her. She added that whoopie pies were ugly and did not do it for her. Jennifer said they were a pain in the ass but she loved them and they looked good, although the chocolate came out on your hands. Alexis said they absolutely did not ever look good. Jennifer wondered if Alexis could go 5 seconds without being insulting.
Natasha Richardson
Jennifer was obsessed with the story of Richardson’s ski accident. Alexis said she was officially dead, according to Liz Smith. Jennifer knew her feelings were inappropriate because she didn’t know Natasha but she just felt so bad. Jennifer said it might be because the story was in her face everywhere she turned. Alexis said that wasn’t true - she waited all morning listening to NPR and didn’t hear any information about Natasha Richardson. Jennifer said the press should leave them alone. There doesn’t have to be a picture of their young sons leaving the hospital. The girls discussed helmets. Alexis said helmets may or may not work and the chances of a person getting hurt skiing was infinitely less than if the same person was riding in a car with Jennifer while she is driving and talking on the cell phone. It’s a toss up! Jennifer would wear a helmet. Alexis said multi-tasking was just as dangerous. Jennifer said she was talking about wearing a helmet to ski! Alexis said it was a personal choice.
What’s going on with Alexis’s twat?
She had a really unpleasant waxing experience with this female named Alexis at Bliss spa in Soho. The woman left dingleberries of wax on her vagina, the wax wasn’t really hot enough and she removed the wax in the most painful way she possibly could. Additionally, Alexis did not want all the hair off her body and had even marked the area to show the woman where to stop but the woman waxed way past the mark! She’s so bad that it is a joke but Alexis doesn’t want to say anything because she fears retribution from the other girls.
One Taste Urban Retreat
At One Taste, explained Alexis, you can get your vagina massaged in front of a roomful of people until you climax. It was supposedly all about empowering women to be more sexually comfortable. Paulie said one of the reps was going to call in today. They all gave Paul their cellphone numbers. On their webpage, everyone was weirdly beautiful. Alexis and Jennifer thought it was just strange. Alexis said it wasn’t her cup of tea.
Feeling Crafty
The girls talk about crafts they did at home as kids. Alexis did woodcuts for an xmas card. It involved was a thin wood block with linoleum adhered to it. You dig out the linoleum with this tool and whatever you dig out doesn’t get inked. Alexis made a reindeer in a field with mountains and it came out really ugly but she loved it. Jennifer made a string tiger. Alexis made a bright orange paper mache horse. Jennifer said she was a whiz with the shrinky dinks. Alexis said shrinky dinks were not a craft! Jennifer disagreed. In the 70s, caller Jamie did sand art and lanyards. Jennifer said she did lanyards all the time. Alexis said it was like macramé. Sarah would put glue dipped paper onto bottles to make candleholders. Alexis remarked: “Flammable candleholders?” Alexis’s aunt and uncle made ugly glasses out of wine bottles. Jennifer took silly putty and put it on cartoons and then peeled it off. Alexis said that had nothing to do with crafts! Deb had silly sand and wasn’t allowed to play with it because it would make a mess. She couldn’t play with her candlemaking kit either. It was a thing where you could color sand and make drip castles. Jennifer said that at parties they would fill water glasses with things from the party and put wax all over the top of it to seal it in. It was a memory glass. Alexis said that was the ugliest, stupidest thing ever!!! Another caller used to make candles out of crayons. Alexis didn’t think that was a craft. The same caller also made a memory glass. Jennifer said Alexis was poking her eyes and ears out. Jennifer wondered if turning a coffee can into a bank was a craft. Alexis said no unless you fashioned it into the shape of a pig. Alexis loved gluing macaroni onto things. Barbara used to make yule logs. Alexis would come home with crap she made and it went right into the trash. Julie used to make memory glasses. They were disgusting. Patty made ornaments out of styrofoam balls and sequins using pins. Jennifer’s sister used to rhinestone everything with a studder. She bedazzled jeans, tops, sweatshirts, jackets, etc. Alexis never had rhinestone-y things.
Fancy Friends
Alexis’s childhood friend Shelly had a pool with a curvy slide and an ice skating rink. Another friend had a walk-in refrigerator. Jennifer said her friend had a soda fountain and horses and her parents would never let her hang out with that friend. Alexis said when it was warm out, Kevin Sharkey’s would take his sheets out of the freezer and make the beds with cool sheets. He was also driven to school in a Rolls Royce. Jennifer said she was occasionally driven to school in a limo. Jennifer’s discussed her beloved childhood housekeeper, Margaret, who would never want to leave the house because when she did, she’d end up going on a bender and they’d have to go find her. Margaret was crazy but very protective of Jennifer and her family. Paulie had a friend whose father had dinosaur eggs in his office. He also had a friend who had a manmade pond the size of an Olympic swimming pool in their backyard with a fountain and catfish in it. It was very Italian.
Just say no…to condoms? Huh?
The Pope went to Africa and told people that the distribution of condoms was making AIDS worse! The church is standing by the pope. It was ironic to the girls because it seemed that Catholic girls were often the ones who lost their virginity first. Roseanne called in to say Martha should check in to see who is on the station. Jennifer said one of them was Martha’s daughter. Roseanne said she was disappointed in Martha. Alexis said they just kid about stuff. Roseanne said she didn’t find it funny and didn’t like the reference to Catholic girls. She said the girls had no right to talk like this on the radio. Roseanne said she was too intelligent to listen to the girls. Erin called to she hoped Roseanne was listening, because she grew up a nice catholic girl and then slept with over a hundred men. Kelly in Dallas said it was always the Catholic girls that were sleeping around and having babies. Toni was an Irish Catholic so she said she was a drunk and a slut. She said all of her Catholic friends were screwing around. Everyone does what they are told not to do! Alexis said Catholics had all that practice on their knees, they might as well put it to good use!