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DISCLAIMER: The following recap should be used for entertainment purposes only. It is NOT an official transcript of the show, is NOT fact checked by the hosts and is NOT up for any literary awards. To hear Whatever, word-for-fabulous-word, TUNE IN TO THE SHOW!
Monday, Monday…
Alexis said she had the wrong job. She hated to talk. Jennifer said Alexis was good once she was on the air. Speaking of not wanting to talk, Alexis said she was contacted by two people she thought she got rid of. One sent her an email that was annoying, mentioning people she didn’t know who adopted some child. She hadn’t seen the sender of the email in years and this person was sending her stuff about adopting!? WTF?? She also got a text from another person she told never to text her that said, “What’s shakin’?” This infuriated Alexis. She said that all the talking was bullshit, it was the quiet gestures that counted. She may be aloof, but she did the right thing when it came down to it. Jennifer said if you cared to know a person, you knew what they liked and didn’t like, so act accordingly. Jennifer said she went to dinner with her daughter and her niece and someone she knew knew someone Jennifer didn’t like would be at the same restaurant she was going to and she didn’t tell Jennifer. Alexis said her mother did that all the time! She didn’t tell her because she knew Alexis wouldn’t show up if she knew a person she didn’t like was going to be there. Alexis said this type of behavior was a lack of awareness and it was selfish.
Obama’s giggle fit
Jennifer said he got slammed for laughing on 60 Minutes. Alexis said GW stood up in front of the whole world and giggled about everything. Jennifer thought he was trying and if a little nervous laughter happened, it happened. Jennifer said people were waiting for him to do something that pissed them off. The girls played the clip. He didn’t really think it was funny, he was a human being having a giggle fit.
Natasha Richardson
Jennifer said they got an email yelling at them about Natasha Richardson. They didn’t know her and it was incredibly sad that she died but they didn’t need to discuss it ad nauseum. Alexis asked why these people that were complaining weren’t just as upset about the 4 policemen in Oakland who were killed. She heard that the last officer that was brain dead was being kept alive on a machine so they could donate his organs. For the record, they didn’t hear that about Natasha.
What job should Alexis have?
Lynn thought Alexis would make a good Jr. High principal. Alexis agreed she’d be good at this. Jennifer couldn’t see it. Alexis said she was sexy enough that the boys and girls would have crushes on her. She would slip condoms and inspirational notes in everyone’s locker. Jennifer was unconvinced.
Crush etiquette
When Alexis was 18, her friend was in love with this really attractive blonde guy. Alexis ended up sleeping with him. Jennifer said that was horrible and you did not do that to a good friend. Alexis said she couldn’t help it, he was so hot and besides, she wasn’t really a good friend. The girl started imitating Alexis – kind of like single white female! The guy was too intellectual for Alexis, though. He made her watch a presidential debate, something she did not want to do at the time. She dumped him. Jennifer said that was even worse. She didn’t even like him that much and she slept with him. Alexis reiterated that he was hot. Jennifer made out with a boy who liked her first on her teen tour and then she let him feel her up in the stairway. Jennifer laughed and was worried that her dad was listening. Alexis told Charles to turn off the radio and asked, “Your crotch or your boobs?” Jennifer said both at one point. Another girl also made out with the guy and Jennifer thought that was uncool. Alexis said there were only so many guys to go around.
Movie chat
Jennifer said Twilight was released on DVD. Alexis said she was thinking of getting Twilight on demand but thought she’d hate it. Jennifer said it was silly and adorable and Alexis WOULD hate it. Alexis saw Let the Right One In. It wasn’t that spooky and it was dubbed, so that made it bad. Jennifer asked if Alexis saw Interview with a Vampire. Alexis said yes and it was not scary. Alexis said she hated it when relationships or events seemed completely implausible. In the movie Incendiary there was a relationship which she didn’t buy. Jennifer mentioned that there was a weird relationship in that book She’s Come Undone. The main character had a lesbian relationship at one point in the book and Jennifer found it gratuitous because it didn’t seem like she would ever do that.
Twitter
Jennifer didn’t get it. She said Martha tweeted a lot and she proceeded to read some of Martha’s tweets. Jennifer didn’t think she tweeted enough - Martha had 192,000 followers, Jennifer had only 1400. Alexis said no one liked Facebook’s new design. Jennifer said get over it people! 700,000 people don’t like it, but there are 175,000,000 users. Alexis said the whole site has always been confusing. Michael the intern said he didn’t like it. Alexis read a sentence from an article about Facebook that said mentioned a memo from Mark Zuckerberg that referred to Facebook as a “disruptive company.” She couldn’t figure out what it meant. Kay said it was a PR buzzword for something that catches on. Alexis thought the word was counterintuitive. Patricia said disruptive marketing was describing a business that changed everything; so they were calling themselves innovative. Alexis said the fact that anyone cared about the minor changes was stupid.
Michael’s road trip
Intern Michael drove to Chicago for the week. He stayed in a hotel outside of the city. He went to a casino and hated it. He viewed downtown Michigan avenue, went to Grant Park and had deep dish vegetarian pizza. He also went to the Oprah show and actually got pulled up on stage and got to sit in Oprah’s chair because he was one of the only young men there. He told everyone where he was interning and there was a listener in the audience. Two days before he saw Oprah he decided to go to a few wine tastings. He didn’t drink too much and had dinner before driving home. Unfortunately, he was pulled over by the cops for speeding and when the officer asked if anyone had been drinking, Michael said he had been because he was scared. The cop made him get out of the car and follow a pen with his eyes. Then he checked the car. Michael got a $75 ticket for speeding but was under the limit for being drunk. Phew. Janine from Illinois said she couldn’t understand his story because he kept saying “Um” and “Cool.” Janine said he needed to know how to talk if he was going to work in TV. Also, the ‘s’ was SILENT in Illinois! Alexis agreed that ‘likes’ and ‘ums’ could be annoying. In fact, she almost emailed a radio show called The Sound of Young America with Jesse Thorne to task them about the fact that their guests always said ‘um’.
Is Paulie trying to set Alexis up with strangers?
Over the weekend, Paulie saw a funny-looking Wheaton terrier that was shaved in such a way that it looked like a lion. He pet the dog and started talking to the guy. The guy then brought up Martha’s dog dying. (He didn’t know Paulie had a Martha connection.) Then there was a lull and the guy said, “Wow, I’d really like to bang her daughter!” Alexis said if a man owned a Wheaton terrier AND didn’t have a girlfriend, there might be a problem. Paulie then told the guy that he worked with Alexis and the guy said he didn’t listen to the show, but he always checked the blog. He then said to Paulie, “Honestly, tell me what you think,” and he struck a pose! Paulie said he would pass the message along but that Alexis had discriminating taste. Alexis said he should have told him she had odd taste. The guy emailed Paul and sent a picture of the dog. He also asked Paul if she was still dating “Guy”. Jennifer asked if Paulie was pitching him to her. Paulie said the guy was around his height (short for Alexis) and he smoked. Both dealbreakers for Alexis. Somehow the conversation then turned to cross dressers. Alexis could never date one. Her thoughts: “Not that there is anything wrong with it, but get out of my underwear drawer.”
Touch ups
Alexis got microdermabrasion at a doctor’s office. Professionals must do it. It doesn’t do anything for you if you get it done at the facialist. Jennifer felt that way about botox. She said don’t do it at all if you aren’t doing it professionally. Jennifer said there were people that would not leave their house without a full face of makeup. Alexis said the problem with that was that people never see you that way and then you look scary to them without it. Jennifer said sometimes people look better without it – more natural. After a couple days in Vegas after wearing full makeup, Alexis had washed her face and Jarrod said she looked tired. She wasn’t tired, she just didn’t have any makeup on! Jennifer said she took a picture of her daughter’s eyes and they were young and vibrant and hers looked old. Alexis said it was a good idea to get the veins around the nose done. Jennifer said she was planning to start her overhaul next month.