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DISCLAIMER: The following recap should be used for entertainment purposes only. It is NOT an official transcript of the show, is NOT fact checked by the hosts and is NOT up for any literary awards. To hear Whatever, word-for-fabulous-word, TUNE IN TO THE SHOW!
The lamp
The woman who cleaned Alexis’s house backed into one of a set of antique lamps a few weeks ago and broke it. (Note: Alexis actually liked the room without the lamp.) The woman explained to Alexis what happened even though she didn’t want to know. When Martha found out about it she wondered why Alexis didn’t tell her and said they needed to find another one. Alexis said Martha should just use the insurance money to pay a bill. Martha had originally asked if Alexis wanted the lamps for her birthday. Alexis figured she was getting the lamps or nothing so she said yes. Martha was angry that Alexis didn’t want another lamp. Alexis explained that the lamp would cost $17,000 to replace. Said housekeeper then made delicious stir-fried mustard greens. Alexis was chilling out on her mother’s couch sleeping. Martha tapped her on the head and then sat down and inspected her. She told her not to wrinkle her forehead like that. Martha had a new Chow. Alexis didn’t like it. She told Martha she looked like the first Chow Martha had, who was the ugliest Chow ever and a loser. They ended up finding his collar on I-95. Oops!
The Economist
The magazine photoshopped a recent cover that featured Obama. Two other people in the photo were photoshopped out of the image. David Folkenflik, NPR’s media correspondent, called in to discuss whether photoshopping was okay. He said The Economist wasn’t really a newsmagazine but if it was a news organization presenting things as they were supposed to have happened there should be a close correlation of photos to events. He thought that at minimum, magazines should disclose it when they alter photos. Alexis wondered what was stopping editors from making people uglier in pictures. David thought that The Economist should have included the smaller version of the original photo.
Letter
Alexis got a forwarded letter the other day and she knew it was from her father. She hadn’t spoken to her him in about 20 years and wanted him to drop dead. She threw it in the trash shoot in her building. She went upstairs and went back in the elevator and decided to fish out the letter. He cared so much that he didn’t know where she lived!?! She crossed out her new address and put ‘addressee unknown’ and threw it back in the mail. She didn’t want him to think that she read the letter. Jennifer was aghast. Alexis said just the sight of her father made her want to throw up. She saw him once on the street and sprayed him with a water bottle and said “Get the fuck away from me.” He tried to contact her a few times after that. Jennifer said she didn’t know the guy at all but didn’t understand that he couldn’t find out where Alexis lived.
V-bomb
Jennifer got frisked hardcore at the airport this weekend. She was thoroughly touched but the woman didn’t pat down Jennifer’s vagina. Alexis said she could’ve had a bomb in there!
Men vs. women
Jennifer read something about how women didn’t help each other in their respective careers. They were catty and jealous. Alexis said men didn’t help each other either. Jennifer thought men did help their ‘bros’ out.
Hairy situations
Muslims were banning the mullet. Alexis and Jennifer supported this. They discussed guys with long hair. Alexis’s ex, “Jesus” now had a beard that came down to his belly button and his mustache was blondish in color. His hair was so long that he coiled it on top of his head. Gross! Alexis added that he was a terrible yoga teacher.
Heather McDonald
Comedian Heather McDonald called into the show. She was a regular on Chelsea Lately and author of the book You’ll Never Blueball In This Town Again. She didn’t lose her virginity until she was 27. She explained that she didn’t have a boyfriend in high school and didn’t want to sleep with her boyfriend in college. She was then with people that she just didn’t like that much and that took up time. When she finally chose to lose her virginity she lost it to a guy she knew from college who was nice and called when he said he would call. He didn’t know she was a virgin at the time. They broke up but she has been happily married to another guy for 10 years. Jennifer felt there was a piece of the puzzle missing. Paulie said his high school girlfriend wouldn’t have sex with him and was afraid of getting pregnant. He went to lunch with her a few years later and was still a virgin. No guy wanted to take her virginity.
Stay tuned!